When we live in another culture we often face this dilemma: How much of the other culture’s customs do we adopt, and are we willing to do so? Even though I am an anthropologist and appreciate different cultures, some things still strike me as strange, and I am reluctant to adopt them. Of course, one could say the same about some things in my culture. It all has to do with how we were raised -- what our parents taught us.

Everyone, everywhere, uses their hands, heads, bodies and sounds to communicate with others. When we visit another country, we may not have time to learn the oral language, but we can observe the silent language of gestures. Gestures are signals that serve as a powerful communicator. Rather than looking at gestures Turks make, I would like to share some of the gestures I have made that may seem offensive to others.

In general, Americans are not touch-oriented people. Our comfort zone is to stand about an arms length apart. Sometimes when someone begins to cross into my comfort zone I find myself backing away. When at a concert, cinema or sporting event and I need to pass others to get to my seat, I slide into a crowded aisle facing forward and say “excuse me.” Turks would do the complete opposite. They would pass the people sitting down with their backs to those sitting down.

Here are a few other examples of things that I was taught as a child that are perceived the opposite way here:

When greeting one another, I should give a firm handshake. Turks prefer a less firm grip.

When speaking with a person, we should look the person right in the eye. If this is not done, it means we are shy or weak. In a Middle Eastern culture, depending on the situation, it could communicate the wrong message with sexual overtones.

When one has a light heart, they may whistle a familiar tune. Whistling may also be a tool for cheering or applauding. Whistling can communicate different messages depending on the culture: throughout Europe, whistling at public events is a signal of disapproval or even derision, while in the Middle East and Central Asia, it may be interpreted in a superstitious way.

If a universal study were conducted on how we all nod and shake our heads, we would find it has many different meanings. The way I was taught to shake and nod my head has the opposite meaning in Bulgaria, parts of Greece, Yugoslavia, Turkey and Iran.

Be careful with your gestures -- fights can break out! Problems can occur. We have all seen drivers fighting on the highway, or the police man who signals for you to stop.

There is a universal gesture which is understood everywhere -- the smile! It rarely is misunderstood. It is believed to be the best medicine for a sad heart -- it releases chemicals called endorphins into the system that create a feeling of mild euphoria.

A smile can get you out of the biggest jam. Use it often.